As I was watching the last session of General Conference it seemed that every story shared about trials and pain were so different than mine. I have not yet known the anguish of having lost a spouse. Or the tragedy that natural disasters leave in their wake. I am blessed to have not yet had to deal with the questions and pain and what ifs of the death a child, or a life robbing illness.
But I have had to deal with the common denominator to all of these things.
I have been pulled down into the darkest place that can exist on this earth. The thick black that will suffocate any light. The darkness of having no hope.
My husband is an addict. His drug of choice is prescription pain killers. I am a co-dependent which means that my drug of choice is my addict husband. Through many miracles we have been brought back into the ever loving arms of our Savior again. Through his Atonement we have found hope and recovery.
My husband was an addict before we met. When I found out, I decided I was going to save him. As hard as I tried I couldn’t save him. He couldn’t even save himself. The only person that is mighty enough to save is Jesus Christ.
After fighting a loosing battle for more than 10 years he had exhausted every option that he had trying to help himself. Every option but the one that worked.
We began attending the LDS Family Services Addiction Recovery Meetings.
To say that they changed our lives is a massive understatement. They gave us the chance to feel the spirit again. They gave us the tools that we needed to begin to understand the Atonement.
Now, we are getting ready to go through the Temple. The power of Christ has saved and healed our family. I often think about what it was like when my husband, Courtney, was finally sober. In the very beginning we were so broken, starved for hope and had grown accustomed to the darkness. It was so easy to put aside our pride and realize how much in control of our lives the Lord truly was. I could feel his protection and his arms around me, healing me from within. Nursing our family back to health. Now we are healthy, we are grateful and we have many great adventures ahead of us.
See, the people that I spoke of at the beginning of this post are different from me. The actual trials are not like mine. But all that is unique is the simple fact that we take different paths to end up in the same place — At the feet of our Savior.
Heavenly Father loves each of us enough to bless us with a way to understand the real reason that we are here, to bring us back to Him. I am grateful for addiction and tragedy. It, like a tornado, destroys our lives, and tears them completely apart. Painfully it reminds us daily of the utter mess that we have made in every single aspect of our existence. The unmanageable and complete chaos consume everything, but because of that it also shows us that He is the ONLY ONE that can put them back together again. Stronger for next time because we have been reinforced with miracles and understanding from The One who loves us regardless of what we have done.
We all have to go through things that surely will bring us to our knees. But isn’t that the point?