I live my life as though it were a musical. If I could have people break-out in song and dance at the perfect time to punctuate a moment, and seal it in my memory? I totally would. And, I’d be in hog heaven, too.
Songs all have meaning to me, and they help me remember. Remember when I was struggling, happy or just being plain silly — like dancing through Balboa Park in San Diego with my sister while this song played.
I have a playlist for my life, and each important event is defined by a song.
I remember many years ago when I was living in Illinois, driving down a long country road to my friends home I was listening to a Conference CD and was thinking about my testimony. The song that came on after this particularly moving talk was this hymn — Come Thou Fount. I remember that I had to pull over onto the side of the road– there on the upper part of Annie Glidden– and just listen. The spirit was so strong and I didn’t even realize that I was crying until the tears hit my hands on the steering wheel.
It was a profound moment for me… these words in the hymn were the perfect words that I had been searching for to explain my testimony. But even more profound was the fact that I was alone, on a long, dark road and the Spirit of my Father in Heaven communed with me. Just me, and me alone. I felt it, recognized it and I remember it today as if it were yesterday.
Prone to wander, Lord, I feel it,
Prone to leave the God I love;
Here’s my heart, O take and seal it,
Seal it for Thy courts above.
This is what I wish, with all my heart– that my heart could be sealed for the courts above. I AM prone to wander, and prone to leave the God I love. Because sometimes I am a big, fat dummy. I wish, much like the person who penned this hymn, that I could have my heart sealed! Wouldn’t that be so much easier?
I remember being in the MTC, just prior to leaving for my assigned location, and feeling a little discouraged. All the missionaries in my district had these amazing “conversion stories” and well, I didn’t. I was feeling discouraged and worried that my simple testimony wasn’t good enough– or that it wouldn’t make a difference out there in the big, bad, hairy world.
I knelt to pray and asked what I was going to do, because I had nothing major to offer. I was just a simple person, with a simple testimony with nothing amazing to share. What good would I be?
That is when the Lord blessed me the greatest gift I have ever had. I heard a simple voice tell me that this simpleness was all I needed– that was my testimony. And further, why was I even questioning it? I had been blessed with the gift to always know it was true.
And you know what?
That is the truth.
I am prone to wander, but even when I have wandered, I have always known. In all my years, I can say that I have always know there is a God, that Christ was MY Savior and that the restored gospel of Jesus Christ is real. I do know this. I have always known that I can get comfort, and peace by reading the scriptures and praying. I have always known that there is life after death, and I have always known that if I wanted to know what God was thinking– I just needed to listen to his living prophet.
I AM a simple person. I live a simple life and I do not require elaborate things. I live my life– day to day- simply. However, I do know that God is real, and he is all powerful. I do know that through Jesus Christ we are all saved, and there is no problem that cannot be fixed with the power of the Atonement.
Fancy is not my name… It’s just simple. But in some small way I feel that is the basic message of the restored gospel of Jesus Christ. “The simpleness of the way and the easiness” of it is the message of the Gospel. It is not supposed to be elaborate– but just simple.
And so I will be content with my simple life and my simple testimony. Because you know what? I DO know.
And that is all that matters.
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